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Lawnmower Steve...
Thread Created On 5/10/2010 1:39:00 PM

Hey Tazers aren't funny! Why just the other day I got pulled over and tazered! I got the police video, oh they didn't want to give it to me but....I KNOW MY RIGHTS! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0AQ3jvaXhI

Ya, and that was the second of three time them cops harassed me just going about my business.

1st) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6I_aW5y88Jw&feature=related

3rd) My wife went tride to stab me in the face and I called the cops but they cuffed me, which was wrong cuz I KNOW MY RIGHTS! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fds_hupE2vQ


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RE: Lawnmower Steve...

Posted 5/10/2010 1:45:00 PM

Now big brother tell me it's illegal to cut grass! I KNOW MY RIGHTS!


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RE: Lawnmower Steve...Fighting Fire

Posted 8/5/2010 6:14:00 PM

Steve fighting a dangerous marijuana fire.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PCMbrN_K6E 

 




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RE: Lawnmower Steve...Fighting Fire

Posted 8/6/2010 8:28:00 AM

Now that's funny!


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RE: Lawnmower Steve...Fighting Fire

Posted 1/12/2011 1:21:00 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=30InBgGhiSo

Steve is back!!!!


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Spots on the dam wall

Posted 1/18/2011 2:10:00 PM

Diga del Cingino Dam, Italy



This is the Diga del Cingino dam in Italy -
but look closer... see spots on the dam wall?


















They are European Ibex and they like to eat the moss and lichen & lick the salt off the dam wall.




http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SR9k76OxzfA&feature=player_embedded 





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RE: Spots on the dam wall

Posted 1/18/2011 3:24:00 PM

How in the blue hell do those ibex stay on that wall?


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RE: Spots on the dam wall

Posted 1/19/2011 5:36:00 AM

Very carefully...



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Five Surgeons

Posted 1/19/2011 5:37:00 AM

Five surgeons are talking.

#1 The first, an Ontario surgeon, says: " I like to see accountants on my
operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is
numbered. "


#2 The second, a Quebec surgeon, responds: " Yeah, but you should try
electricians. Everything inside of them is colour coded. "

#3 The third, a B.C. surgeon, says: " No, I really think librarians are the
best, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. "


#4 The fourth, an Alberta surgeon, chimes in: " You know, I like
construction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. "


#5 But, the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon, shut them all up when he
observed: " You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.
There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, -- and the
head and the ass are interchangeable. "




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Cold Winter

Posted 1/19/2011 5:40:00 AM

It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold  or mild.
 
  
 
Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like, so
 to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
  
 
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?'  'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
 
  
 
So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
 
  
 
A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?'  'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' 
 
  
 
The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
 
  
 
Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?''Absolutely,' the man replied.  'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.'

  
 
'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. 
 
 The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a boat load of firewood!!'




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Retirement

Posted 1/20/2011 5:07:00 PM

Subject: Retirement
 
Important message for all friends 50 and over.......
 
New Government Programs:
 
Due to the current financial situation caused by the
slowdown in the economy, the Government of Great Britian
has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50
years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating
jobs and reducing unemployment.
 
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People
Early).
 
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the Government
to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After
Forced Termination).
 
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be
reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering
Retired-Early Workers).
 
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and
SCREWED as many times as the government deems
appropriate.
 
Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional
Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half
Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
 
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be
SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the Government.
 
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive
as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible
The Government has always prided itself on the amount of
SHIT they give our citizens.
 
Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please
bring this to the attention of your local MP, who has been
trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.
 
Sincerely,
 
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives
(E.V.I.L.).
 
PS:  Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of
electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions,
the 'Light at the End of the Tunnel' has been turned off.



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Man on a beach...

Posted 1/20/2011 5:11:00 PM

A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs. 

Three women, from England, Wales, and Scotland, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man. 

The English woman said, 'Have you ever had a hug?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a hug and walked on. 

The Welsh woman said, 'Have you ever had a kiss?' The man said, 'No,' so she gave him a kiss and walked on. 

The Scottish woman came to him and said, 'ave ya ever been fooked laddie?' 
The man broke into a big smile and said, ‘no’.
She said, 'Aye - Ya will be when the tide comes in.'



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RE: The Gift

Posted 1/21/2011 6:28:00 AM

For Christmas, the children brought gifts for their teacher. The supermarket manager's daughter brought the teacher a basket of assorted fruit. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers. The candy storeowner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy. Then the liquor storeowner's son brought up a big, heavy box. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.
She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it.
"Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied.
She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne?"
"No," said the little boy, "It's a puppy!"


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RE: The Gift

Posted 1/22/2011 6:11:00 PM

Nice bone, nice.



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Careful what you kick

Posted 1/25/2011 2:43:00 PM

The little boy comes down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores.
"Not yet," said the little boy.
His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores.
Well,  he's a little ed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.  He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig. He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.
"How come I don't get any eggs and bacon? Why don't I have any milk in my cereal?" he asks.
"Well," his mother says, "I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either. I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk."

Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, "You gonna tell him or should I?"  



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RE: Crushed what?

Posted 2/1/2011 10:07:00 AM

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quavering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief.
The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.
He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath.
"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum."


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Husband Down...

Posted 2/1/2011 4:15:00 PM

Husband Down
Rick and Julie are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
Rick picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks Julie
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them demands Julie, and so they carry on shopping. 
A few aisles further on along Julie picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
What do you think you're doing?' asks Rick. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies Julie.
Rick retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'
Then down he went.




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Posted 2/1/2011 4:23:00 PM

Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!"
>
> "Great, but how?" asked Harry.
>
> "We'll go to Wall-Mart, get some cheesy clothes and shoes like most middle Americans wear then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador. When we look the part, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there."
>
> So they did, and found just the place they were looking for at "the Buckhorn" outside of Great Falls in Augusta, Montana. With the dog in tow they walked inside and  stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said, "Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?"
>
> "Yes we are," said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color." They ordered a round of bourbon and sandwitches on the house and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.
>
> A grizzled old farmer came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left looking puzzled.
>
> Finally, Nancy asked,  "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?"
>
> "Lord no," said the bartender. "It's just that someone told them there was a Labrador in here with two s!"




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Super Bowl Game

Posted 2/2/2011 2:15:00 PM

A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked  her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her. "No," she said, "the seat is empty."

 

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"

 

Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."

 

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The woman shakes her head, "No, they're all at the funeral."




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RE: Super Bowl Game

Posted 2/2/2011 5:24:00 PM

Good one PB......probably a lot of truth to it as well.



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RE: For our math teachers

Posted 2/4/2011 11:53:00 AM



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