You Are Here: Home > Daily Humor > Lawnmower Steve...
Steve fighting a dangerous marijuana fire.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PCMbrN_K6E
Five surgeons are talking.#1 The first, an Ontario surgeon, says: " I like to see accountants on myoperating table, because when you open them up, everything inside isnumbered. "#2 The second, a Quebec surgeon, responds: " Yeah, but you should tryelectricians. Everything inside of them is colour coded. "#3 The third, a B.C. surgeon, says: " No, I really think librarians are thebest, everything inside of them is in alphabetical order. "#4 The fourth, an Alberta surgeon, chimes in: " You know, I likeconstruction workers.... those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over. "#5 But, the fifth, a Newfoundland surgeon, shut them all up when heobserved: " You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on.There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains, and no spine, -- and thehead and the ass are interchangeable. "
It's late fall and the Indians on a remote reservation in South Dakota asked their new chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky, he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like, so to be on the safe side, he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared. But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared. A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find. Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?''Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked. The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a boat load of firewood!!'
Husband DownRick and Julie are shopping in their local Wal-Mart. Rick picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart. 'What do you think you're doing?' asks Julie 'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans he replies. 'Put them back, we can't afford them demands Julie, and so they carry on shopping. A few aisles further on along Julie picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket. What do you think you're doing?' asks Rick. 'It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' replies Julie. Rick retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser and it's half the price.'Then down he went.
Nancy Pelosi called Harry Reid into her office one day and said, "Harry, I have a plan to win back Middle America in 2012!"> > "Great, but how?" asked Harry. > > "We'll go to Wall-Mart, get some cheesy clothes and shoes like most middle Americans wear then stop at the pound and pick up a Labrador. When we look the part, we'll go to a nice old country bar in Montana and show them how much admiration and respect we have for the hard working people living there." > > So they did, and found just the place they were looking for at "the Buckhorn" outside of Great Falls in Augusta, Montana. With the dog in tow they walked inside and stepped up to the bar. The Bartender took a step back and said, "Aren't you Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi?" > > "Yes we are," said Nancy, "And what a lovely town you have here. We were passing through and Harry suggested we stop and take in some local color." They ordered a round of bourbon and sandwitches on the house and started chatting up a storm with anyone who would listen.> > A grizzled old farmer came in, walked up to the Labrador, lifted its tail and looked underneath, shrugged his shoulders and walked out. A few moments later, in came another old farmer. He walked up to the dog, lifted its tail, looked underneath, scratched his head and left the bar. For the next hour, another dozen farmers came in, lifted the dog's tail, and left looking puzzled.> > Finally, Nancy asked, "why did all those old farmers come in and look under the dog's tail? Is it some sort of custom?" > > "Lord no," said the bartender. "It's just that someone told them there was a Labrador in here with two s!"
A woman had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As she sat down, a man came along and asked her if anyone is sitting in the seat next to her. "No," she said, "the seat is empty."
"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?"
Somberly, the woman says, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my husband, but he passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been to together since we got married in 1967."
"Oh I'm sorry to hear that, that's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?" The woman shakes her head, "No, they're all at the funeral."
