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A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, heSaid, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'Sermon complete, he sat down..The song leader stood very cautiously and announcedWith a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,Let us sing Hymn #365, 'We Shall Gather at the River.'
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash. Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file. The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.Whose funeral is it?' 'My wife's.''What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her' He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.' A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men..'Can I borrow the dog?'The man replied, 'Get in line.'
I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.
"I want to live forever," I said.
"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"
"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"
"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.
