Wednesday, September 17, 2014 | 10:35 PM Central U.S. Time         

   THE FORUM

The Forum MeridixID     Password   
Sign Up For A MeridixID Here | Forgot Password

You Are Here:   Home   >   Daily Humor   >   Senior Moment.....



Post Comments or Reply  |  Jump To Newest Post  |  Follow This Thread

Go To Page:   Oldest   1   2   3   4   5   Newest



_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
Senior Moment.....
Thread Created On 3/16/2011 8:21:00 AM

Oh no grandma's a thug....


_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Senior Moment.....

Posted 3/16/2011 8:26:00 AM

Just a story but it's funny anyway...

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lung, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!" The four men didn't wait for a second threat. they got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then she realized why. It was for the same reason she had wondered why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12-packs of beer in the front seat. A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter where four pale men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.


Moral of the story?
If you're going to have a senior moment... make it memorable.



_______
MeridixID:
bonehead

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
2213 Total Posts
Can't say it any better

Posted 3/16/2011 2:38:00 PM




_______
MeridixID:
2Bornot2B

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
5370 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/17/2011 5:57:00 AM





_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/17/2011 8:27:00 AM

Bonehead, I have the Buffalo Theory hung on the wall right behind my desk right next to:




_______
MeridixID:
bonehead

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
2213 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/17/2011 9:46:00 AM

I have always liked the webinar. When it get boring, and it will, you can always surf the internet.





_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/29/2011 9:40:00 AM

Hymn #365


A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, 'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.' 

With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, 
'And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river.'

Sermon complete, he sat down..

The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing 
Hymn #365, 'We Shall Gather at the River.' 




_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/31/2011 2:12:00 PM

Irish Priest...

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas . Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.

He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.

He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.

He promptly called the local police station......The conversation went like this:

''Good morning, This is Sergeant Jones, How might I help you?''

''And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, 
''Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!''

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......................................... 
Father O'Malley then replied: ''Aye, 'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin.''




_______
MeridixID:
bonehead

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
2213 Total Posts
RE: Can't say it any better

Posted 3/31/2011 2:22:00 PM

A penguin is driving across the desert and his car starts making funny noises. He sees a little gas station and mechanic and pulls over to have it checked out. While the mechanic takes a look at the car, the penguin buys an ice cream bar at the gas station while he waits.
A few minutes later, the mechanic walks up to the penguin and says, "Looks like you blew a seal"
"Oh no no" the penguin replies. "that's just ice cream!"


_______
MeridixID:
2Bornot2B

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
5370 Total Posts
Funeral procession

Posted 4/1/2011 10:09:00 AM

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.

Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.

Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.

Whose funeral is it?'

'My wife's.

''What happened to her?'

The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her'

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?'

The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men..

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Get in line.'




_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Funeral procession

Posted 4/1/2011 11:11:00 AM

Now that's funny!


_______
MeridixID:
bonehead

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
2213 Total Posts
Terrible Accident

Posted 5/19/2011 7:05:00 AM

This guy was sitting at home alone when he heard a knock on the front door. There were two sheriffs there. He asked them if there was a problem. One of the sheriffs asked if he was married and if he could see a picture of his wife. The guy says "sure " and shows him a picture of his wife.
The sheriff says, "I sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a great personality, and is a good cook too."


_______
MeridixID:
oldpirate

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
1522 Total Posts
RE: Islamic Terrorists

Posted 6/11/2011 8:29:00 AM

Sign outside of fishing lodge reads  "Islamic Terrorists Are Like King Salmon, Life Is Good Until The Seals Show Up!"


_______
MeridixID:
NastyNick

Send Private Message

B Gold Ball
819 Total Posts
RE: Islamic Terrorists

Posted 6/14/2011 9:40:00 PM

I have been away too long. These are the bestest laughs I have had in quite some time. Thanks you all..




_______
MeridixID:
NastyNick

Send Private Message

B Gold Ball
819 Total Posts
RE: A Wish To Live Firever

Posted 6/14/2011 9:53:00 PM

A Wish To Live Forever

I met a fairy today who said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.




_______
MeridixID:
bonehead

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
2213 Total Posts
Some where in the LC

Posted 6/15/2011 11:40:00 AM

An Irishman in a wheelchair rolls into a bar and asks the waitress for a cup of coffee. He then looks over at the bar and asks the waitress, "Is that Jesus?"
The waitress says that it is, so the Irishman says, "Give him a cup of coffee... I'll pay."



A few minutes later, an Englishman with a humped back walks in and asks the waitress for a cup of tea. He then asks the waitress, "Hey... is that Jesus over there?"
The waitress nods and so the Englishman says, "Give 'im a cup of tea... on me."



A few minutes later, a Lewis County Resident walks in on a pair of crutches. He says, "Hey, sweet thang... how's 'bout an ice-cold Buckhorn. Holy smokes... is that Jesus?"
The waitress says, "Sure is." So, the Lewis County Resident says, "Give the ol' boy a Buckhorn... put it on my tab."



Later, Jesus gets up to leave, walks over to the Irishman, touches him and says, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman gets up out of his wheelchair and dances a jig out of the door.



Jesus walks over to the Englishman, touches him and says, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman stretches out his back and does backflips out the door.
Jesus walks over to the Lewis County Resident. Then, the Lewis County Resident gets up, backs away, and says, "Stay away from me... I'm drawin' disability!”



_______
MeridixID:
Codman

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
1448 Total Posts
RE: Some where in the LC

Posted 6/15/2011 1:54:00 PM

Good one Bonehead, there's more truth to that joke than you may realize, lol.


_______
MeridixID:
2Bornot2B

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
5370 Total Posts
RE: Some where in the LC

Posted 6/17/2011 6:06:00 AM

That there is funny Bone!



_______
MeridixID:
oldpirate

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
1522 Total Posts
RE: Airline Pilot Humor

Posted 6/20/2011 11:49:00 AM

Read this in a restaurant yesterday:

In the 1960's an air traffic controller at Frankfurt, Germany International Airport was known for his impatience and sarcastic attitude with pilots if they asked to many questions about where to taxi and where gates were after landing. He was being especially rude to an American Airlines pilot and finally said very sarcastically "haven't you ever been to Frankfurt before?" The pilot replied "yes, 3 times in 1944, but it was dark and we didn't land!"


_______
MeridixID:
col-pul

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3942 Total Posts
RE: Airline Pilot Humor

Posted 7/1/2011 2:57:00 PM

Well it turns out Steve Brule is a pilot.... http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/06/24/southwest-pilot-gay-rant_n_883841.html


_______
MeridixID:
Pirate Ball

Send Private Message

B LEGEND
3487 Total Posts
The lion and the ant: some lessons for managers and HR

Posted 7/11/2011 5:46:00 PM



























Forum comments are the responsibility of individual users.

Go To Page:   Oldest   1   2   3   4   5   Newest

Back To Top

You Are Here:   Home   >   Daily Humor   >   Senior Moment.....



Add New Posting



You must be logged in to post comments. You can log in above.